When I mention my awe of reality, I'm not talking about the obvious, not the pretty sunset, the good cup of coffee, nor even the billions of billions of stars. Those things have their moments, but they're a bit cliche. It would be a different sort of sad if I hadn't learned to appreciate them until now.
No, I'm talking about the minutiae, the details. When the more I learn about something, the more I realize how little I understand it. Or what a weak position I'm in to be condemning it.
Why was I such an idealist? Why am I plagued by so much expectation of what everything should be, when honestly, I know so little about any of it? and the more I do learn, the more I realize how complex and nuanced it all is. The more I realize how much I've been taking for granted aspects of life that I have only the most rudimentary mis/conception of.
Like people, for example, and their vast anthills, of social structures, education systems, entertainment, politics, and government. Sure, on the one hand, we're a massive clusterfuck, rife with ignorance, selfishness, and blind raging allegiances to nonsense. but on the other, compared to what? Isn't it a little impressive that humanity has done this much? That we've even built all this, as flawed as it may be? Even as devastatingly prolific as it may be.
It's in our nature, as anything in nature. We go where our genetic imperatives take us, and as such, we'll probably only change in any particular direction, when natural selection forces us to. but if I move my baseline to thinking about how nature usually works.. we should count ourselves lucky, at least we're not proteins embedded in an asteroid, hurtling through space, unable to even find a planet to crash into?
More than that sort of forced optimism though, it's about just stepping back. The glass isn't half empty, or half full. There's so much more going on than that. Stop worrying about the damn glass. It's just a distraction.