I really need to regain my footing. The floor has slipped from beneath me, but my fall has only been tenuously broken. It's difficult to stand by who I am, while doing so offers scant benefit, and even threatens to hasten my decline.
Anything else is but a pretense, though. The desperation of adaptation and congeniality doomed to collapse, upon its inevitable confrontation with reality.
Why have I made the choices that I have, in my life? For all that's gone wrong, can I honestly say that I should have done anything differently? Only in blindness to the details and complications that lead up to everything being exactly as it was. Only in striving to deny the realities of what makes us who we are, resides the twisted logic of regret.
Shame is not the great motivator that it's made out to be. Such willful ignorance only undermines our capacity to navigate the here and now, and what's to come. The foundation of mindfulness must be built honestly, lest everything built upon it be built for collapse.