Friday, October 17, 2014

life is too hard

for the longest time, i tried to embrace my problems, i tried to spin all the difficulties i've had in life, in a positive way.  it seemed a whole lot better than feeling sorry for myself.  i guess it's been somewhat alienating though, to be proud of the kind of person i've been.

e.g. i'm not a night person for any special reason, i just find it a hell of a lot easier to cope with being me, when everyone else is asleep.  is it better or worse, for me to be honest about that?

maybe i've even given the impression that these were choices i've made, but come on.  who in their right mind would choose to live this way.  i'm just trying to survive.  i don't understand why that's so much to ask.  i don't think it's particularly realistic to strive for a whole lot more than that.  i'm barely holding on, as it is.

i am feeling especially depressed lately.  my endocrinologist wasn't very optimistic about insurance covering my treatment.  not that i don't need it, but that it's especially rare and expensive means a much higher bar, as far as defining medical necessity to my insurance provider.  i was hoping some progress had been made on that front.

mark my words, someday soon, it's going to be common knowledge just how important hormones are, even to who we are.. but i guess we're not quite there, yet.  the problems i've had all my life are still being chalked up to my weakness of character, as far as our nation's health care system is concerned.

i guess that's been dragging me down.  i may need to face that this is my life.  i can try to hold onto it, or not, but that's about it.

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