I seem to have spontaneously grown an attention span. Either that, or the will to keep trying, in spite of its absence. It's honestly hard to tell what's going on exactly, but I no longer feel driven to distraction. It's easier to read a book, or meditate, or draw for hours, when I'm not in constant dire need of distraction. It was always a difficult feeling to describe, but now it seems to be gone, in remarkable coincidence with my caffeine addiction.
"both A1 receptors and A2A play roles in the heart, regulating myocardial oxygen consumption and coronary blood flow, while the A2A receptor also has broader anti-inflammatory effects throughout the body. These two receptors also have important roles in the brain, regulating the release of other neurotransmitters such as dopamine and glutamate." (wiki)
These are the adinosine receptors that caffeine fucks with. This provides well known benefits in the short term, but over time, as these excess receptors proliferate to accommodate the addiction, those benefits become deficits. Many people are fine with this, but due to everything else going on with me, it would seem I lack the dopamine to spare. It's been getting worse and worse for years, and suddenly.. that's all it was? I just had to stop drinking so much coffee?