relapse

I've been feeling really lousy the past few weeks.  Sleeping later, can't get to sleep at night, haven't felt like cooking, my apartment's a mess, keep procrastinating laundry, shopping.  I haven't been running.  I even run out of beer, and just go a few days without it, rather than restocking immediately.

Essentially, I feel like my old self again.  Like my Omnitrope suddenly stopped working.  I keep thinking maybe I got a bad batch.  Maybe they didn't refrigerate it at the pharmacy.  I keep thinking I'm just grasping at straws, making excuses.  More likely just relapsing, back to my lousy baseline, because this is who I am.  Now that the novelty of my new apartment has worn off, I'm just stagnating, like I always have.

It wasn't until today that I remembered, I forgot to refrigerate it myself, when I first got it.  I'd left in my coat pocket for a few hours, before an "oh crap!" moment, when I remembered it was there, and jumped up to put it in the fridge.

I remember thinking, it's just been a few hours, right?  I'm sure it's fine.

Maybe it'd been a few more hours than I'd thought.  Maybe it goes bad more quickly than I'd thought.  It's $1400 worth, and I don't even have an endocrinologist yet, to check my IGF-1 levels - that would prove whether I'm right about this, or just a whiner.

Still waiting on the referral for that, should be any day now.  Maybe a week or two.  In the meantime, I'll have to use up what I've got anyhow, and see if I feel better by spring..