Some people are saying this could go on until we get a vaccine. I'm more isolated than most, because I have no friends, I don't live with any kind of family or even a roommate. My only social connections were to the strangers I took classes and sparred with. I can talk to my mom on the phone, but aside from that, I'm just all alone in this apartment, with no end in sight.
I find this scenario implausible though. I'm not the only one feeling pressure here. This is putting all sorts of pressures on all sorts of people. I can't see this dragging out for over a year. I'm not sure people will even hold it together a month. I'm not sure what they're going to do to attempt to placate, suppress, or aggravate, how soon they might come up with a vaccine -or even a cure, who the hell knows. Whatever happens, we're going to need more than just hanging in there for 18 months or so, I'm thinking.
This hasn't even fully hit many poorer countries yet. We're not even seeing the full scope of the problem in the US, let alone the rest of the world. Some will handle it better than others. Some will handle it really badly, and that will impact everyone else. Nor are we seeing the psychological impact all this isolation and loss of livelihood will have on entire populations. With these different possibilities, from medical breakthroughs to social unrest and economic collapse, it seems to me something game changing is bound to happen well before they come up with a vaccine in the expected time frame.
I'm afraid when lockdowns and social distancing fail, what might happen is simply that we'll be forced to accept COVID19 as the new flu. Worldwide, millions will die, tens of millions will flood hospitals, sometimes suffering permanent lung damage. I'm not sure we're doing anything but staggering that right now.
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Monday, March 23, 2020
asocial distancing
All day every day alone. Every week, every month, every year. Until I started training again and taking classes. Now that's canceled by the coronavirus and I'm alone all the time again. The only human contact being an occasional grocery store clerk, but I've even been trying to shop as little as possible.
It would be nice to do some grappling or sparring. My knee was finally feeling ready to spar again. I handle my solitude relatively well, but it does take a toll. I do need the human contact.
On March 18th, there were 4 cases in the Burlington area.
On the 20th, there were 12, one died.
By the 22nd, over 20 cases.
As of the 24th, there are 40 cases, and 4 have died.
40 is a tiny number, but 4 was even tinier. I don't like where this is going. Could be 400 in no time. Most people can't stay home as much as I can. All their precautions won't fully protect everyone from an airborne contagion. There are always going to be some people taking no precautions. I'm afraid it's going to keep spreading.
Even worse, I hear mutation's a normal thing these viruses do, once they spread sufficiently. Like the flu, we could be looking at new strains all the time, except this one's much more brutal. We could be looking at not only a few million deaths now, but million more every year going forward.
Or maybe all this social distancing will work. Maybe they'll come out with a vaccine and eradicate this. For now though, it's looking all kinds of terrible, and I have no idea which way it will go. Not sure how ok I'll be a week from now. A month from now. Can't even say where this will all be a year from now.
It's an odd feeling. My intuitions tell me this will all blow over in a month or two, but my intuitions are based on past experiences. From what I understand, this is unlike anything in recent history. Not sure whether I should be freaking out or not. I'm just trying to brace for whatever's coming next.
[update, just hit 400 cases in Chittenden county, a month later. A month isn't "no time." It's a pretty slow progression. We seem to be especially good at social distancing around here.]
It would be nice to do some grappling or sparring. My knee was finally feeling ready to spar again. I handle my solitude relatively well, but it does take a toll. I do need the human contact.
On March 18th, there were 4 cases in the Burlington area.
On the 20th, there were 12, one died.
By the 22nd, over 20 cases.
As of the 24th, there are 40 cases, and 4 have died.
40 is a tiny number, but 4 was even tinier. I don't like where this is going. Could be 400 in no time. Most people can't stay home as much as I can. All their precautions won't fully protect everyone from an airborne contagion. There are always going to be some people taking no precautions. I'm afraid it's going to keep spreading.
Even worse, I hear mutation's a normal thing these viruses do, once they spread sufficiently. Like the flu, we could be looking at new strains all the time, except this one's much more brutal. We could be looking at not only a few million deaths now, but million more every year going forward.
Or maybe all this social distancing will work. Maybe they'll come out with a vaccine and eradicate this. For now though, it's looking all kinds of terrible, and I have no idea which way it will go. Not sure how ok I'll be a week from now. A month from now. Can't even say where this will all be a year from now.
It's an odd feeling. My intuitions tell me this will all blow over in a month or two, but my intuitions are based on past experiences. From what I understand, this is unlike anything in recent history. Not sure whether I should be freaking out or not. I'm just trying to brace for whatever's coming next.
[update, just hit 400 cases in Chittenden county, a month later. A month isn't "no time." It's a pretty slow progression. We seem to be especially good at social distancing around here.]
Monday, March 16, 2020
Covfefe-19
It has been a rough year, and now this whole SARS CoV 2.0 thing. My MMA school is open, but I guess I'm not supposed to go. I've even been travelling recently, so could be carrying it and not showing symptoms yet. Probably not, but guess we're all supposed to be extra careful here.
Not sure anyone will be coming to classes anyhow. It's odd trying to predict how others react. I hear about crowded restaurants and the like, but almost everywhere I've had to go has been relatively deserted.
I've been trying to keep an eye on local cases, but the number hasn't been updated in a few days from what I can tell. The lack of testing is a huge wildcard. I still think there's a good chance this will all blow over, much the same around the world - aside from the same old discrepancies related to wealth and poverty that cost millions of lives every year already.
There's also a good chance this will be about as catastrophic as they fear, and this will end up being much worse in this country, due to our clown president and atrocity of a health care system. It's amazing to realize this is unlike anything I've seen before in my life. Unlike anything Bernie's seen in his life, he says. It's impossible to know how this will go.
So, guess I'm staying home as much as I can, until I get some updates on cases in Vermont at least. Taking guesses as to which way this will go seems like a bad idea at this point. Most everything else is cancelled. It all feels so strange. Sitting home wondering what I'm supposed to be doing with myself now that I was finally getting moving again. How long will this last? Weeks? Months?
Have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow. I'll try not to touch anything or my face or sneeze on any old Biden voters.
Not sure anyone will be coming to classes anyhow. It's odd trying to predict how others react. I hear about crowded restaurants and the like, but almost everywhere I've had to go has been relatively deserted.
I've been trying to keep an eye on local cases, but the number hasn't been updated in a few days from what I can tell. The lack of testing is a huge wildcard. I still think there's a good chance this will all blow over, much the same around the world - aside from the same old discrepancies related to wealth and poverty that cost millions of lives every year already.
There's also a good chance this will be about as catastrophic as they fear, and this will end up being much worse in this country, due to our clown president and atrocity of a health care system. It's amazing to realize this is unlike anything I've seen before in my life. Unlike anything Bernie's seen in his life, he says. It's impossible to know how this will go.
So, guess I'm staying home as much as I can, until I get some updates on cases in Vermont at least. Taking guesses as to which way this will go seems like a bad idea at this point. Most everything else is cancelled. It all feels so strange. Sitting home wondering what I'm supposed to be doing with myself now that I was finally getting moving again. How long will this last? Weeks? Months?
Have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow. I'll try not to touch anything or my face or sneeze on any old Biden voters.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
unconscious juggling
The unconscious mind works with information as an array of probabilities. It isn't decisive, but so influential as to be akin to the puppet master. The conscious mind being the puppet, of sorts, where all this information is reduced to the choices we make.Much like in politics, the choices we make are almost entirely a matter of the information we've been able to access and understand and how it's been skewed. Maybe I've become too aware of my own mind to justify myself the way others do. I want to, I try here and there, but I fumble because I don't even buy my own bullshit.
Consciousness yields lots of nonsense. The unconscious is beyond our ability to explain. I have to take lots of guesses. I have to take shrooms and study dreams to look for clues. I hesitate to explain to others that my views are solidly backed by my hallucinogenic experiences.
A lot of this has to do with the neuroscience I've been reading up on lately, too. It's a juggling act, maintaining information from numerous disparate sources to work into some integrated concept of what's actually happening, within us and around us. It's precisely the sort of juggling act which the unconscious excels at.
Consciousness can only hold one thought at a time. We can jump from subject to subject, sometimes very rapidly, and that's nice and all, but the unconscious can probabilistically assess a hundred different subjects at the same time. Everything the conscious does depends heavily on that - without knowing it.
Inherent to this dynamic is that we can't even comprehend the sorts of equations our unconscious is making, let alone how it prioritizes things, and how we're actually motivated. e.g. when we lash out defensively, even as we insist we don't feel attacked. When we can see all the factors that go into that reaction, it all makes sense. Consciously though, we're more inclined to scramble, to make excuses and rationalize, ex post facto nonsense.
Both parts of the mind are necessary to actually function. Ideally, they work in a perfect harmony of some sort, as opposed to incessantly tripping over one another. I'm inclined to think better communication between these two parts of ourselves could facilitate that, but it's far from easy. The ego balks at the overwhelming scale and chaos of the unconscious mind, when we can get any glimpse of it at all.
Thursday, March 12, 2020
the arc of the moral universe
Being of Generation X, I've watched this all unfold. From the young Boomers I grew up with, to the millennials I tend to interact with more these days, to some of the neuroscience I've been reading about. I've thought a lot about the differences between them, some inherent to aging itself, others more specific to the modern circumstances we find ourselves in.
There are numerous shifts that occur in public perception, upon which many of our views are formed. Our conclusions built upon entirely different unspoken norms and assumptions. One of these is that we're making progress. Of course we keep fighting, if despite all our losses, look how far we've come, right?
We've made all sorts of social progress - while politicians have used that as cover to decimate us politically. In those realms in which government has real power over the people, we have been losing ground my entire life. This decades long decline can be traced to the mid-seventies or so, in terms of its effects. Causes and coalescing factors being a whole other question.
While I'm old enough to have seen this from the beginning, the consequences of this decline are all millennials have ever known. They don't understand it the way I do, while Boomers seem to have have trouble seeing how much has fundamentally changed. Even hitting the streets isn't what it used to be. You'd probably be surprised how much Americans do hit the streets. The media has learned that by simply not reporting on it, the protest can be largely negated and momentum stalled.
I don't think even Bernie himself realizes how catastrophic Biden winning the nomination or presidency would be (Not to mention Chomsky) - if our progress has not been incremental at all, but in fact a decline, this unconditional support of the lesser evil starts to make a whole lot less sense. This is not a pendulum we're fighting to bring back in our direction, but a series of rights and lefts that need to be defended against. Biden and Trump the same opponent that needs to be destroyed.
A goal that we're out of time to accomplish. Another sentiment I see a whole lot more from younger people. I think there's a terrifying chance they're right. Older generations seem to think we're going to have all the time in the world.
Bernie was the only chance I've seen in my lifetime. That distinction seems to be lost on many too. It was now or never.
There are numerous shifts that occur in public perception, upon which many of our views are formed. Our conclusions built upon entirely different unspoken norms and assumptions. One of these is that we're making progress. Of course we keep fighting, if despite all our losses, look how far we've come, right?
We've made all sorts of social progress - while politicians have used that as cover to decimate us politically. In those realms in which government has real power over the people, we have been losing ground my entire life. This decades long decline can be traced to the mid-seventies or so, in terms of its effects. Causes and coalescing factors being a whole other question.
While I'm old enough to have seen this from the beginning, the consequences of this decline are all millennials have ever known. They don't understand it the way I do, while Boomers seem to have have trouble seeing how much has fundamentally changed. Even hitting the streets isn't what it used to be. You'd probably be surprised how much Americans do hit the streets. The media has learned that by simply not reporting on it, the protest can be largely negated and momentum stalled.
I don't think even Bernie himself realizes how catastrophic Biden winning the nomination or presidency would be (Not to mention Chomsky) - if our progress has not been incremental at all, but in fact a decline, this unconditional support of the lesser evil starts to make a whole lot less sense. This is not a pendulum we're fighting to bring back in our direction, but a series of rights and lefts that need to be defended against. Biden and Trump the same opponent that needs to be destroyed.
A goal that we're out of time to accomplish. Another sentiment I see a whole lot more from younger people. I think there's a terrifying chance they're right. Older generations seem to think we're going to have all the time in the world.
Bernie was the only chance I've seen in my lifetime. That distinction seems to be lost on many too. It was now or never.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
voting is for rubes
What matters in life changes from moment to moment. What feels critical one day can seem trivial the next. Politics can be so easy to ignore. So many feel as if thier lives are completely unaffected by the power games between elites who will screw us over no matter how it plays out.
I understand people who ignore it all entirely, and I understand those who can't. I'm not sure which is the objectively better idea. Whenever I get into trying to figure out what really matters, the answer always turns out to be nothing. It's all a swirling soup of hormones and nonsense. None of it really matters, but that's what our brains are made of.
For five years, I've been saying it wasn't over. We've lost many battles, but #StillSanders the movement would carry on. We would win eventua- oh. Fuck. Just like that, it's over.
It's going to take a while to get to the point where it feels trivial again.
I understand people who ignore it all entirely, and I understand those who can't. I'm not sure which is the objectively better idea. Whenever I get into trying to figure out what really matters, the answer always turns out to be nothing. It's all a swirling soup of hormones and nonsense. None of it really matters, but that's what our brains are made of.
For five years, I've been saying it wasn't over. We've lost many battles, but #StillSanders the movement would carry on. We would win eventua- oh. Fuck. Just like that, it's over.
It's going to take a while to get to the point where it feels trivial again.
Friday, March 6, 2020
beware the white moderate
I haven't left my apartment since super depressing Tuesday. Appointments and classes keep getting cancelled on account of everyone getting sick. I guess with the covid19 corona virus thing, people are being extra careful.
Still trying to get over my social media withdrawal. It's a crutch for distractability. It's something to do when I don't know what else to do, which is always. Constantly updated with new information and the potential for rewarding likes and retweets. It's the best way to get news as it's happening, with all sorts of details you won't see on TV. Most of what's going on doesn't get covered by corporate media at all.
I don't really want to know what's going on anymore. It's hell and there's nothing we can do about it. Bernie's one of a kind, a civil rights leader like no other to gain such prominence in my lifetime.. and after investing five years and the blood sweat and tears of millions, he's failed. Who is going to do better? Better luck in another 40 years? We don't have another 40 years.
I quit Twitter because it's addictive and probably not healthy. I'm feeling more negative than most, and probably shouldn't be spreading that anyhow. I quit Facebook though, because I hate everyone. I'm finding it really difficult to be understanding. They have fears too, right? So did the Nazis. That's what propaganda does. I hate how gullible people are. They can be lulled into anything.
Honestly, what kind of person opposes someone like Bernie? Every MSNBC viewer I know - and they have the gall to proclaim Trump's the Nazi. Assholes.
Still trying to get over my social media withdrawal. It's a crutch for distractability. It's something to do when I don't know what else to do, which is always. Constantly updated with new information and the potential for rewarding likes and retweets. It's the best way to get news as it's happening, with all sorts of details you won't see on TV. Most of what's going on doesn't get covered by corporate media at all.
I don't really want to know what's going on anymore. It's hell and there's nothing we can do about it. Bernie's one of a kind, a civil rights leader like no other to gain such prominence in my lifetime.. and after investing five years and the blood sweat and tears of millions, he's failed. Who is going to do better? Better luck in another 40 years? We don't have another 40 years.
I quit Twitter because it's addictive and probably not healthy. I'm feeling more negative than most, and probably shouldn't be spreading that anyhow. I quit Facebook though, because I hate everyone. I'm finding it really difficult to be understanding. They have fears too, right? So did the Nazis. That's what propaganda does. I hate how gullible people are. They can be lulled into anything.
Honestly, what kind of person opposes someone like Bernie? Every MSNBC viewer I know - and they have the gall to proclaim Trump's the Nazi. Assholes.
Thursday, March 5, 2020
the sky is falling
Call me crazy, but I'm afraid this was basically the moment the world ended. We had a last second chance to turn things around, and gave the keys to Trump, instead. Now it's just a matter of time and momentum. A few decades, tops.
#ThanksObama
What Democrats are doing now is perfect example of how they are worse than Republicans. What will be the consequence? Four more years of Trump, at this horrifying critical point in human history. Giving 'the most dangerous organization in human history' a gerrymandering census year election, for the third decade in a row.
So many consequential acts have come and gone. From Reagan's win to Corbyn's recent loss, all of this contributes. The impact of Reagan's policies still destroying us today in addition to whatever Trump does next, but this was it. We've hit the point of no return.
So many consequential acts have come and gone. From Reagan's win to Corbyn's recent loss, all of this contributes. The impact of Reagan's policies still destroying us today in addition to whatever Trump does next, but this was it. We've hit the point of no return.
Democrats have this reputation for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, because it's intentional. They don't have the same priorities their base does. If winning the election would mean losing their power within the party, that difference in priorities equates to throwing the fight. When someone throws a fight, you don't blame the winner.
By blocking progressives at every turn, the right does far more damage than they could ever do without the help. Not the least example of which, winning election after election that they should be losing. By fixating on who you personally vote for, the discourse is perpetually moved away from their own culpability. Our votes are a drop in the bucket, while they're the people carrying the damn bucket. The way people respond to all of this by asking who I'll vote for is Pavlovian bullshit.
Obama had a lot to do with rallying all those dropouts and endorsements. A masterful killshot on Biden's behalf. Biden, who doesn't stand a chance in hell against Trump. At this critical moment in the election, either Bernie would be unstoppable.. or he would be stopped. They stopped him. Obama has been more instrumental in blocking the left than anyone. We'd have been better off had he lost to McCain.
I honestly wish Bernie would drop out immediately now. If he can't make an independent run himself, support the Green Party. Make sure they nominate a good candidate. Campaign with them. Be a fucking leader. Otherwise this entire movement dies come July.
I honestly wish Bernie would drop out immediately now. If he can't make an independent run himself, support the Green Party. Make sure they nominate a good candidate. Campaign with them. Be a fucking leader. Otherwise this entire movement dies come July.
He won't do any of that though. He'll waste millions of dollars in donations. The trampled grassroots who can't even afford it, desperately hoping he can still win. It was possible a week ago. It's no longer possible. He's just grossly misallocating the last of his resources at this point. Then he'll turn around and tell us we have to vote for addled old racist rapist Joe Biden. It won't work. Not that he'd be any better than Trump anyhow.
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
#trump2020
Deleted Facebook and Twitter, fuck politics, fuck social media, fuck humanity. I give up.
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