life is suffering

My knee is all fucked up.  I think it's a small tear in the meniscus, which should heal eventually.  It might not though, and the torn piece can get stuck in the joint causing more problems.  It's probably temporary, but given the nature of 45 year old knees, who the hell knows.

Kickboxing and grappling keep me sane.  It's not just about the exercise.  It's about doing something I enjoy, that I'm good at, that keeps me engaged with people and involved in something.  It provides something psychologically critical that I can't function without.  I can't just do something else, but I haven't been able to train in months.  I've been feeling worse and worse.

Life has been complicated and confusing lately.  It's been an easy semester, but I'm not doing all that well, because I've been a mess.  Then my dad gets his biopsy results.  5cm malignant mass on pancreas, multiple lymph node metastasis.

I'm heading down to Pittsfield this Thursday.  Guess I'll be getting there as often as I can.