differentiating x to the x over x

This is math?
Ok.  Yeah, I don't want to do this anymore.

I can see the appeal, if you're the sort of person who can remember all the rules and tricks, such that you get a lot of it right. I can see how that would create a positive feedback loop that would change everything.

Me, I finally have to concede, I'm not a math person. I can watch lectures on how to do these problems, and I get the gist of it. What used to be gibberish now makes sense to me, for the most part. That's how my brain works, but that's not how math works. Getting the gist doesn't cut it. I wish it were enough, but no, they want me to be able to actually solve problems on my own. Without Google. I tried. I really did.

I'm not alone in this, I know. Two thirds of the class disappeared within the first few weeks. To me, this is indicative of a bad system. There should be a path primarily based on understanding the premises of math, such that it can be worked with as needed. A path with a whole lot less emphasis on being a human calculator - which still has its place, but should be separated out into more specialized courses, in my opinion.

This is not the system we have, and come to think of it, even if it were, maybe this isn't what I want to be doing anyhow. The chemistry, physics, the math, all interesting stuff, but after five semesters, I'm more lost than ever. It all turns out to be a lot harder than I'd expected. Which is fine, aside from the costing me hundreds, maybe thousands, of dollars, and wrecking my GPA. When I say it was hard, I mean that I did a lot of failing, despite my best efforts.

On another level, I'm not really comfortable with any of it. Aside from the coding, but I can always take more computer classes on the side. On Friday, I'm meeting with my advisor, to talk about switching majors. Most of my credits should transfer over. It occurred to me I can just switch to more familiar territory. Language, writing, humanities. Not sure exactly, but I should stop sabotaging myself, focus on things I'm good at for a while.

Orange and Peach
Bhut Jolokia

This decision felt like such a weight lifted off my shoulders. It feels like the way to go. I'm also doing better, because I've been training almost regularly again. Keep missing classes for all sorts of dumb reasons, but getting there more and more.

Getting better at this gardening thing, too. I have no idea what to do with this many ghost peppers.