dis/connecting

This started a lifetime ago, before The Great Pandemic. When all of Bernie's opponents dropped out and endorsed Biden, his movement was dead, the American left splintered in every direction. So much for that whole free college thing. Some were slower to appreciate the extent of the damage than others, but that's when I first unplugged from Facebook, and then Twitter. Social media is so censored and manipulated now. I want no part of the meta reality our tech overlords are building.

Bernie support wasn't just about politics, but served to connect all sorts of people socially. Under the guise of stopping misinformation, russiagate, and insurrections, they've made sure that can't happen again. His movement helped me feel less alone, and I know I was not alone in that. Another lifetime before that, I decided I was going to go out into the world. Take MMA and go to college, get a career. In a sense, it began with that. I was no longer living my entire life at my PC, plugged into the whole world, hiding from the world around me.

The college thing was all blown to hell by recent events, but the MMA is going well again, now that the medical bullshit is behind me. Follow up tests and procedures have shown that six months later, there's no sign of the cancer. This means the doctor successfully got it all, and I can relax for a while. Just have to try not to give myself cancer, again.

As I've been getting to the gym more, around real people, remembering their names and the like, I find myself more burned out than ever on attempting to meet my social needs online. I realize that I'm being a little extreme, but I'm feeling pretty disgusted with the whole idea of it. I'm moved to distance myself from the painfully inadequate process of socializing at my computer.

Finally, even my blog. I used to think this was productive somehow. A step in the right direction, good practice, whatever. It's all relative. Maybe it used to be true. Now writing just seems pointless and lame. I'm not a writer. I guess I don't need to be too dramatic about it, maybe I'll change my mind, and reopen all my social media accounts someday. Maybe we'll have a free and open internet again someday. Never know. 

In the meantime, if anyone wants to know how I'm doing, I still check my email. These days, I even consider answering the phone once in a while.