growth hormone and metabolism

I've started hating this class.  I still don't get the point of it.  I just do the work, no idea what I'm supposed to be learning or showing that I've learned.  This research paper really threw me.  We're supposed to write a paper about whatever we want.  I could do that on my own time, what the hell.  Guess I've had a hard time with the unstructured nature of it, that can't be in my normal rambling format.  I have to ramble in a way that resembles a research paper or something.  Also, I have to research something.

Doesn't help that I don't know that I've ever done this before.  Seems I'm expected to know what a research paper is.  I think maybe in third grade, I did a paper on ancient Egypt.  If I can just scrape together something on par with that, maybe I can still do well enough overall.

I was teetering for a while there.  Ah, fuck this crap.  It's not my fault it's so dumb.  As if evading blame has anything to do with anything.  I needed to get something done, so at the last minute, I actually did it.  Rough draft due tomorrow, so it can be very flawed, but I did something.  Had to skip MMA class to finish it, though.  Guess that means I won't be too beat up for BJJ tomorrow, at least.

Interestingly enough, after all my reading of research papers, I actually learned a bunch of stuff.  It suddenly makes a whole lot of sense why GHD makes me so tired.  Metabolic function turns out to be important; the burning of fat provides energy for exercise or stress, and GH plays a role in that.  If I understand correctly, it's what they call lipolysis.  That alone will mean feeling fatigued way too easily, in both body and mind, but it's also involved with glucose metabolism, and protein synthesis for muscle growth.

What none of these studies thought to even consider is that the brain uses more fuel than any other organ in the human body, and as I understand, glucose has something to do with that, too.  I've been running on auxiliary systems my whole life.  It's amazing that the endocrine system adapts in this way, compensating somewhat, so that I'm not a complete vegetable, but reading about what's actually being diminished really helps me understand why life feels so goddamn hard all the time.

A number of the papers also touched on the controversy regarding treatment of adults.  There are some risks.  Apparently, it can cause adrenal insufficiency or diabetes in some rare cases.  It's such a complex interdependent system, that adapts organically on it's own, to varying extent.  There still isn't a solid consensus that deficient adults should be treated, but the more I read, the less sense that makes to me.  It seems to undercut every single system in my body, increasingly over time as I age - unless treated.

So, it's great that I'm still on it for the time being, but I should really be on about twice what I am.  My dosage wouldn't be adequate for these studies, given my IGF-1 levels, and I better understand what that means, now.  My latest labs came back well on the low side, but my doc doesn't care.  A crap endocrinologist I'm locked into seeing by our crap insurance system.

Still, it's enough to do this stupid paper, and then roll for more than five minutes without dying later tomorrow.  I can almost forget that I'm 43, until I'm gasping like a fish out of water, much to my opponent's amused pity.  Respiratorily, skeletally, muscularly, metabolically, even neurologically, and these medical science jerks aren't sure it's enough of a problem to warrant some relatively minor risks?  Just doesn't seem to add up.