sobering

Something that's always nagged at me regarding addiction and how it's often talked about - underlying causes and all that - not only does this mean that giving up a drug is no solution, but having been free of drugs all along isn't even preventative.  It follows that some "addicts" have never done drugs at all, even.  If the question of whether we have a problem has nothing do with drug use or lack thereof, are we just talking about depression here?  "Just depression," as it were?

There does seem to be a different character to it.  A particular emphasis on escapism.  Gabor Maté says that addictive behavior is the product of trauma, particularly during early childhood.  That is, highly escapist behavior.  Escapist to the point of making terrible choices, just to hold onto whatever the method of escape may be.  The traumatized need their happy place?  Traditionally, the emphasis on addiction has not been about the problem, but the way of coping.  There may be various other ways of coping.

In a sense, this is also in line with the Buddhist concept of craving.  Maté wrote a book titled, Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, and I think all seven realms represent craving.  All of us exist within one of these seven realms, so a lot of it becomes broadly relatable.  Some closer than others.  Maté also claims that the so-called gene for addiction isn't a gene for addiction at all, but for sensitivity.  Whether it blossoms into addiction depends on circumstances and context, not the gene itself.  He sounds a lot like Sapolsky, in that way.

The more I've read about this, the more it's come to look awfully similar to this feeling of being driven to distraction.  An incessant impulse to get the hell away from myself, whether I'm trying to do it with video games and coffee, or cannabis and politics, or just plenty of alcohol.  Some healthy escapism of course being fine.  The problem being the obsessive pattern that develops.  Every waking moment of every day, it is the alternative to enduring.

I've spent my life jumping from one distraction to another.  I stopped for a while, magnificently undistracted, but I knew it wouldn't last.  So far, I've managed to keep crawling onward.  Wish to hell I could figure out how to clear my head like that again.  All the willpower I've been able to muster has only gotten me so far.  I can abstain from whatever seems to be problematic, but what I'm desperate to escape from doesn't go away.  It's more problematic than all of it.