floundering

So yeah.  This is fucking horrible.  I study, I go to school, I endure all sorts of social hell, I come home.. and I have nothing to look forward to.  I have no reprieve, I go to bed ..and can't even sleep.  I got four hours last night, but got through the day in spite of it, only to not be able to sleep again tonight.

I have to wake up for class in four hours, but I don't think I can do it.  Oh and I'm not doing so well.  I haven't been studying enough, and it turns out, I can't wing physics.  I literally got every damn problem wrong, on my last quiz.  I need to actually study for it.  Which I've started doing a lot more of, but I'm an emotional basketcase.

Seems that whole self-medication thing was actually holding me together, even more than I'd realized.  I'm not sure what to do.  I just have to get through the next two weeks, talk to my psychiatric nurse, prove that I haven't touched cannabis in weeks..and then I'm going to get so fucking stoned.  Yeah, I can see how addicts relapse and end up overdosing.  Good thing my drug of choice is about as harmless as they come.

I'm not sure I can actually pass this physic class though.  Would be great if I could just take it twice, I'd surely ace it the second time, but financial aid doesn't like that.  I hate all these restrictions financial aid puts on me. 

I don't even have physics tomorrow.  Just chemistry and math, which I'm doing a whole lot better in, but that will change pretty quickly if I don't even make it to class.