Being rude isn't about you. It's about the effect your behavior has on others. It is indicative of autism to lack "theory of mind," centering everything around ourselves, failing to understand what others might be experiencing. This can be a subtle distinction, specific to autism, but also appearing at times like the indifference of narcissism, psychopathy, or common selfishness.
Whatever the pathology, there is a causality to it. A tangle of reasons we're like this, tying us down to notions of who we are. No matter how we explain it, there are real world consequences and reasons we might want to do better moving forward. Some people, whether autistic, narcissistic, or just stupid, lack the capacity to reflect objectively and critically on themselves, to decide how they might work on being a better person. If we can stop and look at our behavior and understand that it's problematic, we are way ahead of them already.
None of these labels should bind us. We are all the way we are because of reasons. It is nice to have explanations for our shortcomings, but we should never stop working to overcome them. That's just healthy. That's growth.
I saw a post earlier about how it's common for autistics to feel left behind, as we fail to meet one normative milestone after another. I didn't graduate high school, I didn't drive, I didn't get a job, go to college, get a career, start a family, etc.
There are all sorts of conditions which can prevent a person from achieving such milestones and living in society in often going to make us feel bad about it, whatever the label we attribute. It is an interesting defense to view said milestones as symbolic, concerning ourselves with what others think of us for not achieving them. The main problem with not having a girlfriend or a job is not what other people think.
Each of these "milestones" is an achievement because of how much better they make our lives. There are dysfunctional relationships and lousy jobs, but those are just failures of a different kind. Being relatively successful in each of these spheres is life-changing in how rewarding it can be. The real reason for feeling bad about being "left behind" is not what others think, but the hard truth that we are missing out on substantial aspects of life that others take for granted.
When someone asks me what I do, the worst part is not what they're going to think if I tell them I've been sitting around doing nothing my whole life. The worst part is the fact that I've been sitting around doing nothing my whole life. I hate being reminded of it. I've missed out on damn near everything and looking back on it all is horrifying.
My financial situation has gradually improved such that I can finally afford a car for the first time. I did drive for a few months long ago, but I couldn't afford it. It makes me nervous, but I am a decent driver. If anything, just a little too careful. I'm acutely aware that cars are dangerous, no matter who's driving them. That said, not having one was always about the money, more than anything else.
There are so many ways my life has been stunted by not having a car. So many things I'll be able to do, that I couldn't without one. So many things I never even thought about doing, because I've gone my whole life with this limitation. I don't even think about all the things that sure would be nice, if only I had a car.. but there are so many.
As I'm approaching this milestone so late in life, I am not thinking about how others will see me. I'm thinking of how much it will benefit the material conditions of my life, and how that will in turn facilitate my capacity for growth.
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