theory of mind

I've seen a lot of social media commentary on the frustration of telling others they're autistic, only to be met with disbelief and being told, you don't look autistic! I wish I had that problem. If I tell people, I'm not sure many would be surprised. I'm more likely to get responses like, ah that explains.. a lot. 

I think about all the times I'd be out and around people for one reason or another, not sure what to do with myself, just looking at the floor, pacing in circles until I can go home. I'm not doing anything autistic! I'm bored, nervous, I'm just thinking!

Driving my aunt's car last weekend, I was very cautious. I haven't done any driving in decades. I focused on control, making turns at clean tight angles, accelerating and decelerating smoothly. I didn't go much over 10mph because we were in a parking lot, and I wanted to be confident the car would do exactly what I intended it to do, before going out where there are all sorts of things to run into if I'm a little off.

I thought I did well. Did I drive like a neurotypical would? Maybe not. I was worrying too much about making my aunt nervous. Creeping along at 10 mph, just going in circles, maybe I seemed to be driving like Rain Man. It's too easy to make assumptions about why people do things differently. Assumptions get it wrong all the time.

So would this mean I'm not really autistic, or that autistics aren't what neurotypicals understand them to be? Regardless, it bothers me a lot how others seem to perceive me and my neurodivergent behavior. It is not flattering. Where is theory of mind, when we're just making it up with an incurious preference for our assumptions over reality?