fragile roots

Still watching roommate ads and the like, I noticed one of them was posted by someone I know from the gym. I've been trying to tell people about my predicament for months, but I haven't systematically made sure everyone knows. Lots of them have no idea. One of them was looking for a roommate.. but just filled the position the previous day.

Opportunities periodically arise beyond just checking the listings. Knowing people and having connections means having a leg-up, should any of them be looking for a roommate or a tenant. I've been trying to keep my feelers out, talking to anyone who might know of any such opportunities, but now I won't be able to do that anymore. Yesterday was the last day I'll be going to the gym, before I leave.

What an interesting opportunity that would be, forced upon me by circumstance. I dread having roommates, but it could help me build further connections to people here. Connections branch and and deepen the longer I'm around and engaging with a community. Maybe I'll get along great with people I meet in Philly, but it's unlikely I'll be there long.

Connections are like the roots we form, and roots are vital to sustaining us and keeping us healthy. Some people grow roots quickly and easily, but I never have. It takes me a long time, and my roots and the ability to grow them at all are easily damaged. Some plants can be planted and replanted over and over, while others will immediately die if you do that. 

Having lost my grip on everything else I was doing to pull myself together these last five years, getting to the gym was all I had left. Now that's gone, too. In theory, I will come back in a few months. In theory, I can get to the gym in Philly and form new connections. I am trying, but it all feels so uncertain and I am feeling very damaged.