disciple

It seems rather like learning how to self-regulate my behaviour.  Doing things I don't feel like doing, Not doing other things, when I really feel like doing them.  In a sense, maybe that's fundamental to everything else.  I can't pursue much of anything, if I can't get out of bed when I don't feel like it. 

It's easy to think we're great at this, until one day we're really sick or injured, and allowed not to test ourselves.  Mental illness can mean feeling sick and injured every day, but needing to get up anyhow.  I'm getting better, but still worried that it's a house of cards that could come toppling at any moment. 

All it takes is that shift in perspective, an event that jars this way or that, a change in neurochemical distribution.  It doesn't feel very stable, but I'm wondering if I could even try playing a new computer game, without letting myself play it all day long.  Not sure I should risk it.  Farcry 5 looks pretty enticing.  So does a good cup of coffee, though.

My legs are all bruised, my muscles sore, and another kickboxing class tonight.  JKD/Jun Fan kickboxing, whatever that means.  It seems like a nice place, they have a different instructor each day, each with their own specializations.  It's going to take my body a while before being able to handle it all without so much complaining, but I'm really working on this doing-it-anyway thing.