new rules

I've been making lots of rules for myself lately.  Turning everything into daily rituals.  I don't know why I need to do this, but it seems to help me do all sorts of things that I need and want to do.  Without it, it's always never right now.

New rule being that after I meditate, I can check my PC as I eat breakfast, but have to get off within fifteen minutes or so of finishing my granola. Then a few hours later, after I've done a few things, I can cry about being tired, and.. what is it I do at the computer, again?  Mostly nothing.  It's just a zillion places to look for something to do.  Something to respond to or be angry about.  YouTube videos about theoretical physics and Mongolian street food, and there are always new articles about socialism and how much America sucks.

The vast majority of the time though, I'm just bouncing between these places, not even doing anything.  Just bored, looking for something to engage me, and distracted by that, itself.  If I must do something so painfully useless, it has to be at the end of the day, when I allow myself to get stoned anyhow, forgetting everything I'm supposed to be doing for a while.

Then I get all confused when my aunt calls and invites me to have dinner with them, for my cousin's birthday.  She gave me three hours notice, but still.  I'd just eaten my last meal for the day, my carefully planned intermittent fasting, where I cram as many calories as I can afford before two or three in the afternoon, so I won't be that hungry when I go to bed.  I don't eat again until that granola.

Around what I consider to be the end of the day, all going according to plan, until my aunt called.  I had to decline, with a bumbling explanation and apology.  She then invited me to see my uncle play jazz on Wednesday.  I can skip class for it, as long as I have a few days to plan around it.  Time to decide which other classes to go to instead.

Also stressed because my bathroom ceiling sprung a leak.  I suspect due to my upstairs neighbor spilling water all over the floor, eventually saturating the ceiling panel, which started to slump, tearing a small hole above my shower, where it connect to an adjacent panel.  Now I have to deal with this too.

I don't understand how people juggle all the crap they do.

but I guess maybe I can figure it out.