framing

Trying to set up a doctor's appointment, I had to leave a voicemail. The front desk apparently remembered I don't like telephones, and replied to me via email. Wow. No one's that nice. Now that I'm at a point in my life where upon being given the option to see a doctor without even leaving my apartment, I decline. No telehealth. I mentioned that I'm all vaccinated. Finally, I said, excuses to leave the house are a good thing again.

I wondered if the person reading the email might be the sort to disagree. Turns out, lots of people like some of these changes. They like not needing to leave their homes or deal with society or bathe. I get it, I really do. That is the problem. Maybe I'm a failure of a sloth, but I've realized that laziness isn't actually healthy. Neither is being antisocial. Even more outlandish, I've also realized that being healthy is actually quite important. 

Maybe it's middle age, changing my perspective, forcing me to face mortality; my own, and those I've loved. It's been a rough few years. Still, I've also been taking omnitrope for a few years now, and hormones can work developmentally. That is, they change the way we develop throughout our lives. e.g. development of bones, muscles, neural circuitry.

Explaining why my doctor hasn't heard from me in so long, I said that I didn't handle the pandemic well. Another way of putting it would be to say I was exceptionally vulnerable to this whole shitshow. One might say that I handled it well, given how vulnerable I was. I protected myself from having my life shattered, I prioritized, I worked out every day. I'll finally be able to put that to the test soon. 

I'm feeling better today. The pressure in my chest is just about gone. The sun's been out. Even that feels like a good thing to me now. For the longest time, I really hated that fucking thing.