pandemic survivor

Got my second dose of the vaccine yesterday afternoon. No symptoms except the sore shoulder and some insomnia, before finally falling asleep. Then woke up at 3am, feeling sicker than I've ever felt in my life. There were almost no symptoms, but what I did feel was extreme. I could barely make it from one room to the next, I was shivering so badly, while all my muscles seemed to be conspiring to force me into a fetal position. It was frighteningly awful.

I managed to drift in and out of sleep for the next few hours. Around 7am, I was feeling a little better, but expected to be sick all day, if not for a few days. Then suddenly woke up feeling completely 100% better. I thought I must have slept for a long time. It had to be after noon, at least.. but it was only 9am. Whatever the hell that was, it only lasted a few hours.

Ok, so I guess that was it. Just like that, it's all over. I'm vaccinated now. 

I'm afraid to have any hope about anything anymore, but it seems to me the pandemic is basically over. At least for this part of the world. It should all be fading into distant memory soon. Far from unscathed, my life a smoldering heap of rubble, a year of it stolen from me, but I should have at least a few more years to spare. It seems I've survived.

It feels profound and surreal. Life is suddenly different again, a whole new chapter about to begin. I'm uneasy though, because it isn't getting back to normal, or put another way, getting back to anything familiar. I can't go back, pick up where I left off, or anything of the sort. All the parameters are different now. My father doesn't exist anymore, but my knees are stronger than ever. All my routines will have to change. I have to figure out what I'm doing all over again.