but why

I blog when I'm doing well, to remember those brief moments when it happens, to remind myself that they do in fact happen, or maybe just to gloat about whatever I can say that I have going for me. I blog when I'm doing badly to help work through it, to put it in perspective, and as if to beg the world for help.

If I hadn't been taking somatropin these past few years, I wouldn't be able to do this kind of martial arts much at all. Not very well, often, or safely. Because of that, I'm doing so much better than I could be. Still, frequently thwarted by both mental and physical limitations, it can be frustrating and I don't have much else. Taking GH was supposed to help with a lot more than this.

It can feel like a great disappointment. I was hoping to be doing better than this, and it's so easy to forget how much better I am doing than I was. I was a wreck for so long. I had no life at all. It would make sense to be happy about how I'm doing, but mostly I still feel like crap. Forever struggling to keep my head above water.