what is fun

I've often wondered about how unfamiliar I am with having fun. I'd think about my various leisure activities and, am I having fun with any of them? Not really, no. Entertained, passing the time, but what is this "fun" I keep hearing about?

Sparring and grappling can be fun. That was a clue. Maybe I'm not biologically incapable of it, after all. So, why do I suddenly find myself capable of having fun, only in this narrow way? Well, it's the only thing I do with other people. 

Who sits around and has fun by themselves? Maybe you enjoy yourself and can keep yourself amused, but is it fun, exactly? Really? Probably not something most people have any reason to think about. You don't need to be having fun all the time, but you know what fun is.

Or rather, you've experienced it, but probably don't think much about what it is. How many examples of it just happen to involve being with others? Take examples that don't seem social at all, like riding a roller coaster, and imagine riding it alone. Something would be missing.

Some would push back on this, while others might think it's just common sense, but it occurs to me that I haven't had much fun in my life, because it's not something people generally feel when they're alone. I've had so little fun in my life that I've thought my brain defective, when really the internal chemistry is lacking, because it's predicated on external experience that's lacking.

This is a hard problem though. Even setting aside my myriad social issues, it's common for people in this country to find themselves isolated from any semblance of community, lacking friends or people to do anything with. Loneliness is an epidemic in the US, for all sorts of reasons, while I'm here still struggling just learning to speak human.