ok

Laying in bed, overthinking everything, when it occurs to me that my mood is probably improved because I got to train with her today. When it's been looking like I might never get the chance again. We spent five minutes together and it made my day. Like nothing has changed. I don't know how to feel about this dynamic. Is she coming back? Is she fading away? Which am I supposed to hope for again?

I think to myself, maybe just getting to the gym helps, but I was at the gym on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday too, trying not to be trapped at home with my thoughts. I left this morning thinking I'd buy myself something to get drunk with this afternoon, but when I got home, I didn't feel like it anymore.

I guess I'm ok. Wait, why am I suddenly ok? I was ok the moment we came face to face and I had to be.