cyber sloth

Every day, for decades, I'd wake up, sit down at the computer. Often sitting there until it's time for bed. Getting up to take care of one thing or another, but always back to the computer. Maybe I eat, water my plants, or even have to go buy groceries, then back to the computer, immediately.

From some angles, this doesn't seem like a big deal. I thought of myself as a character like Serenity's Mr. Universe for years. What do other people do? Sit in office chairs, sit on couches, sit in their cars? I sit here for like fourteen hours a day, every day, though. I've been doing so my entire life. I don't know what other people do, but that seems bad to me.

These days, I do take extra long breaks from my computer to work out. I've had this idea that working out so much compensates for spending every other waking moment being a vegetable. This may be true in terms of fitness, but that isn't the only consideration here. For one thing, it's a lousy way to live. 

Problems like this arise as a way of coping. I was depressed, and the computer at least got me out of bed. All my interests developed around what I could do on a computer, because it's all I had the energy for, and it made hiding from the world easier. I've been arguing with people online all my life. It's the only way I know how to socialize, but I don't want to socialize this way anymore. Twenty years later, it's become more problem than solution, but I don't know how else to live. 

Another problem though is that it may be a cause of cancer. Cancer cases like mine have been on the rise for decades, and being sedentary is one of the main risk factors. I tend to think that exercise thoroughly offsets that, but this presumes too much. We don't know if it has to do with fitness, if there could be a more direct correlation to spending too much time without moving, or whatever else.

I think about how TotalBiscuit was a gamer for a living. That's what we had in common, aside from the size of our tumors; spending all day at our computers for many years. Growing numbers of people do, but gamers in particular can take sedentary to a whole other level. I was less inclined to worry about any of that, when I still enjoyed it. I'd use the computer for all different things, but I don't want to do any of it anymore. Taking a step back, I realize spending my whole life like this seems like a bad idea, but I don't know what else to do with myself.

CT scan in Montpelier went well. No signs of tumors anywhere else. Just some coronary atherosclerosis; build-up (or inflammation?) in the arteries of my heart. Again, I'm a vegan who hasn't had a donut in months. I don't eat fast food ever. I make my own sugarless granola for fucks sake. I'll be hearing from my surgeon and/or gastroenterologist soon, but I'm thinking they'll be referring me to someone else now. 

I have a follow-up with my GP in two weeks. I'm in Burlington Vermont, so of course it's a naturopathic practice. Real doctors with doctor degrees and everything, but with a specialty in preventative measures like diet and nutrition. At least, that's a positive way to spin it. I'm not entirely sure, but they seem good. In this case, it sounds like exactly what I need, regardless. This all seems like stuff that I should be able to address by eating better and spending less time sitting at the computer. Now that the surgery and CT scans are out of the way.

The way I live is killing me though. As I've been saying.