i just can't

I still work out every morning and hit the heavy bag for a while. It's the one thing I'm holding onto. For me though, other students to train with is the most important thing, and it's the instructors that are optional. Not that they don't add anything, of course good teachers are great - but I could still get into an open gym situation where everyone just trains together. I can't get into this:

"While waiting for us to reopen"

It feels so much more complicated than that. I don't know if or when they'll be able to reopen. I've been repeating myself a lot here, but I don't know that I've expressed this coherently yet. On the one hand, it sure seems like there's hope that within a few months, maybe everything will be back to normal. People on Twitter seem to think the worst is already behind us. Maybe I'll feel silly for being this stressed out over taking a few months to avert millions of deaths.

It sure seems that way, but I can't see how it's even possible. If I'm right about how long this will go on, it snowballs into all sorts of other problems. We're going to be in a state of collapse, unable to deal with climate change, inequality at its worst ever, and our government a clusterfuck of psychopaths and morons. This is some seriously dark dystopian shit. To be clear, the government isn't going to be sending out a meager stimulus checks, while we sit at home complaining. They'll be killing us for trying to survive.

On the one hand, everything might be fine. On the other, it might be the end of the world. I find this internal conflict very disconcerting.