condescending

When we're benevolently condescending towards someone, it's typically someone we deem lacking the faculties to perceive the condescension. For example, if someone is deaf, that can make speech difficult. They can't hear themselves, so it comes out differently than intended. It can sound like they're not cognitively developed enough to speak clearly, but if we talk to a deaf person the way we might talk to someone who is cognitively impaired, from their perspective, we're just being ignorant and insulting.

A more common example would be how we talk to young children. If we talk to an adult the same way, it is insulting, even when intentions are benevolent. We condescend towards children because we're cognizant of the fact that their minds are less developed than ours. They haven't experienced as much as we have. They have a lot to learn, and we adjust accordingly, not to be insulting, but to communicate more effectively.

When we do the same to someone that has been through just as much as we have, if not more, it says a lot about how we think about that person. It shows how we're interpreting someone's appearance and behavior, such as whether they speak clearly and coherently. If they don't, it makes sense to assume they can't.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why people respond to me as they do, but I've come to realize that they aren't necessarily wrong for it. Under ideal circumstances, my cognitive abilities are fine and then some. When I'm out in the world though, under stress or depressed, trying to navigate social norms, distracted by everything going on around me, my cognitive ability is impaired. This is the only version of me most people know.

What difference does it make if I'm a different person when I'm alone? It makes a whole lot of difference who I am out and around people. If who we are is not the abstraction in our heads, but how we behave out in the world, no wonder people are condescending towards me. I struggle like hell to function like a normal person and can't even explain why. 

We understand why deaf people have trouble talking. It's not so clear why I do, but I am not so impaired as to be oblivious to the condescension.