support needs

In ASD discourse, they talk about differing support needs, instead of differences of severity. The problem is that I look at "support needs" as synonymous with deficit and disability. I don't understand the word games we play to destigmatize things that are inherently undesirable. Stupidity is stupidity, no matter what we call it.

I understand that it makes people feel bad. I understand that all too well, being disabled myself. I just don't think it helps the situation to go renaming everything. It only serves to confuse people, from those who want to help to those who need the help.

I find the notion of support needs just as stigmatic, and I wonder if that has anything to do with my upbringing. I don't feel entitled to any support. My sister and I didn't even get the normal support kids are supposed to get, let alone anything additional. We had to fend for ourselves a lot. My sister handled it by getting a job and moving out when she was thirteen. My support needs being a little higher, I handled it by giving up on trying to do much of anything.

Maybe this is why I'm a communist. I believe we should all be entitled to share in the fruits of modern civilization, that letting nature crush those with higher needs ultimately leads to a weak civilization. Ideally, we should all get the help we need to flourish so that we might give back to society in our own ways.

In reality, this is just not how it works. In reality, we need to survive, we need to find our own way to flourish in a world that will crush us if we fail. Not only because I'm a citizen of this modern American dystopia, but because that's how we were raised. Our father in his own world, our mother always had other priorities. When I needed more help than other kids, I got less. That's just how life works, as I know it. Higher support needs might as well be a death sentence. Destigmatizing it means accepting that, when we should be fighting for our lives.

When we lift each other up, that does not make our needs go away. It gives us means to find other redeeming qualities in a world where of course that fucking matters. Pretending we're all equal no matter what does not help anybody. 

Others grow up having their needs met, lending them the privilege of seeing things differently. While they're worrying about which words make them feel bad, I had to figure out how to survive, despite unmet support needs. I had to make sacrifices. I had to sacrifice life.